Episode 10 - “Mikey’s Adventures with Whomp Whomp” with co-host Micah

Q: What do foot fetishes and the Golden Girls have in common? Answer: Mikey, our interviewee for this week!  Born and raised Catholic in Kansas, Mikey had an eye opening introduction to sex by way of an eighth grade graduation field trip. After he moved to Seattle and came out, he wasted no time exploring the gay scene including an adventure with some foot fetish enthusiasts that went one step too far for Mikey.

Join Dave and guest co-host Micah as they share thoughts on Mikey’s interview including reminiscing about their early TV crushes (Dave: CHiPs, Micah: Baywatch). 

This week’s Lunch Time Poll: what’s your lube of choice? Send your answers to our Twitter: @fruitbolpod ! 

Wanna be interviewed or just learn more about the project?  Visit www.fruitbowlpodcast.com

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

My name is Mike. I am 33 years old and I am originally from Kansas.

First time I ever heard about sex? I was watching the Golden Girls and Three's Company. My parents didn't talk about sex. They would drink and have fun and be loud and boisterous and all that. But there was really no sex talk. And I was Catholic, so I went to Catholic school  K through 12. So our sex ed was more just about abortion than anything else.

We only had antenna television and like five channels. I feel like Three's Company was the earlier one. Golden Girls had reruns for so long, I watched it for a while. But Three's Company. I was really little and I didn't even really get the Jack dynamic at all. I thought that they'd bore him, chased around flirting with the women, and those vague clues to sex. Most of which I didn't even get at the time. So I'd have to like bear crawl out the hallway quietly when my older brothers were watching it to absorb some dirty sex out of Golden Girls or Three's Company. And just the playful, fun, intimate connection part of it as something being very desirable to do. And Blanche's whole attitude about it, of, "Hey, the most fun, interesting person there is also the one that gets the most sex." Hmmm.

I think Men's Health was my early porn magazine. And there's no mechanics of sex in there. It was just beautiful, male bodies. I remember I was in the eighth grade and we were graduating from our Catholic grade school. And for a celebration, they took a lot of us to a Holiday Inn with one male chaperone. And he was this edgy new kid in our class. We had like 22 people. His father. And he rented a porn for this group of 12 boys graduating from the eighth grade. And we all watched it as a group. And that was mind blowing for me. It was a very vivid porn. And watching it, you could just feel the tension in the room as you're all laughing and goofy at first. And all of a sudden, it's just teenage boys breathing heavily and trying not to get boners. And I was more distracted with the room than I was with what was going on screen. Three years later, I could remember the names of the different female porn actors. Because they were all over the top, ridiculous, bond type of girls with a lot of "pussy" kinda names. And there was not much plot. It was almost all just penetration shots. And giant fake breasts.

Oh, my first time. I tried for the first time with a woman in college and that did not go well. I just could not get hard for anything. And I tried like 10 different ways. And eventually you blame it on that one whiskey drink you had and never do it again. 

And then, here, moving into Seattle was my first time with a guy. That was when I moved up here. I was 24, I think. He was a friend of my brother. I moved up here and I lived with my brother for the first couple of years. Also gay. It was fun. We were over at his place. I just went out for a day of fun and I knew I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. It had been years of thinking about having sex with a guy. And to finally be in the room, moved up to Seattle where I'm out and around other gay men, and get to do it.

So I went into his room, and just dropped to my knees, and went to town. He was actually caught off guard. He's like, "Whoa, Okay." I think he was thinking, "Oh, this new young kid is going to take some finagling." But I was way ahead of him. No, we went to the full menu. But I tried to bottom and it was just not at all what I expected. Especially for the first time I was like, "This hurts. This is uncomfortable." Also, I swear every time a dick came near my ass, I thought I had to pee really bad. I was like, "Wait, I got to pee. I'm going to pee on you." And I ran out. And looking back, it makes me laugh that that was my sensation, that I thought I was going to pee on somebody. Because I never had that sensation since then. So the overwhelming concern, my first time, was that I was going to pee on him. 

So I hooked up with this one guy. And I'm on my way over to his place and he texts me that there's going to be a second guy there, which is surprising. And I know he's a little bit into feet. But I'm like, "Okay, it's not my fetish, but I can go along with that." But then I get there and it just spirals way beyond where I thought it was.

So at one point I'm sitting in this chair and there's these two guys. And both of them are sucking on my feet and just talking really rapidly about, "Yeah, here's the scenario. And I'm the coach and you're this." And they're just getting really into it and they're talking. And they're sucking on my feet and sucking on my toes. And then he goes into his closet and brings out some really dirty, giant gym socks. And he wants to put those on me. So he's putting these really dirty socks on me and I'm starting to get really weirded out. And then they're sucking the dry cotton of these dirty, stained socks. And at this point I'm completely soft. I've lost everything. I'm on alarm mode. 

And then it gets really weird. He takes a big drink of water and he gives the glass to the other guy to take a big drink of water. And he lowers his mouth over my socked foot and releases the water. And it's draining down on my foot. And then they're both sucking the dirty gym sock water out. And I'm fully frozen and not knowing what to do. So after like 15 minutes of internally panicking, I just get up and I run out of there. And I can't do it. And so I'm in wet, squishy socks, running out of this house, slipping and not knowing what to do. And they're panicked and they don't know what to do. "Why is this guy running?" 

I thought it would like a small portion and then there'll be normal sex involved. But that seemed like this was the full game for them. I mean, they weren't even hard. They just wanted some dirty sock feet worship. And I realized that there's no actual sex that's going to happen here. This is just sock play. And the worst single sensation I can imagine is wet socks. I hate wet socks. Like when you're walking around the kitchen, the bathroom, you step in wetness in the morning? It's just, whomp whomp. But I think for me, the embarrassing part was just that they were into it. They were together in that scene and I had to break apart. And just my running and the wet socks and slipping. The whole thing was just terrible. I peeled them off as I was running out the door. I didn't give them an explanation, I just hit it. And then I went and sat in my car for a minute. And I was leaning my head on the steering wheel, trying to think about what just happened.

One thing that always works, and I love it, is lay down, I'm going to sit on your face. And smother you in my ass. I don't care if the guy's a total top, bottom, whatever he is. Guys like to be dominated a little bit and told what to do. And for some reason that one, it takes you out of your mind space no matter where you are. And you just have full control for a minute. They love it. Especially if they're having trouble, like either they're getting in their head or they're starting to get soft. Do that. And not only do you just sit on their face, but you tell them, "That is right where you belong. Deep in my ass. Eating my hole." And their decks are just like... Every single time. And then I can use them however I want to. I can ass, balls, dick, like tell them exactly how I'm using them. And they just have to sit there and take it till I'm done with them. Guys have subtle body language usually. It's maybe a turn away, or I can tell they're trying to aim their face back at my balls. It's a subtle body movement and I'll go back to giving them the balls. You don't have to eat my ass if you don't want to.

First of all, I'd tell myself to come out a lot younger. I missed a lot of years of good sex. So I'm trying to think if I took out that part of the equation, just in general, what to tell myself about sex? I would say it's to explore more. I think I felt maybe nervous about kinks for too long and thinking, "Oh, that's a weird thing. Ooo, that's gross. Oh, I wouldn't want to do that." And those are all fun things. Even if it's not your kink and it's not your fetish. Like if it's somebody else's kink, watching them get into it and really enjoy it, it's a blast. So I'd just tell myself to open up more to whatever other people's pleasure is. Even the little ones, like spitting. Someone wants to spit in your mouth? I would think that was really disgusting. But now if the guy's into it and all of the sudden he spits into your mouth you're like, "Wow." Just the expression. I'm completely dominating your body at this point, enough where you're an object. I can spit in your mouth. There's a hotness to that if you can put it in the right mental space.